Really? I've sort of come to expect a certain level of quality from AE posts by mrflip. From this guy's intro page:

Thanks to the convenience of the internet, many of the headlines from the Tonight Show are only a click away at the NBC website. Below are some of my favorite headlines from recent months. Although there is not an explicit copyright disclaimer at the bottom of the NBC web-page (at least that I have seen), I feel compelled to mention that the content on this page comes from the Tonight Show web-page at nbc.com. I am in no way affiliated with Jay Leno, his wry sense of humor, or his awkwardly large chin.

Still, funny stuff. Also, he has 14 pages of it for your convenience.  

posted by doncarlo at 03:40PM CST on October 16

doncarlo beat me to it: "Someone should really have a TV segment where they show these Monday nights." Also mirroring doncarlo's approval, if I realize it is Monday night at 10:45 I flip to NBC whereas if I realize it is Friday at 12:10AM I flip to ABC. 

posted by natedogg at 06:00PM CST on October 16

Mrflip Industries Global Amalgamated Solutions, the holding company that employs mrflip, was unavailable for comment but released the following statement:

For most of my life, I've been a computer monkey, not a public speaker, so, you know, I really don't know, you know, how to say what I really want to say.

You know, I understand it's - it's important or not important, you know, as far as what you say but how you say things. So, you know, I take this opportunity just to speak from the heart. I want to apologize, you know, for all the things that - that I've done and that I have allowed to happen.

I want to personally apologize to AE founder natedogg, my Alkaline Earth teammates, you know, for our - for our previous discussions that we had. And I was not thorough, and, you know, I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself to say the least. I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts and, you know, what I did was, what I did was very hasty so that means I need to grow up. I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to bettering mrflip the person, not the blog poster. I take full responsibility for my actions. For one second will I sit right here - not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my actions or what I've done. I'm totally responsible, and those things just didn't have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes. It's just I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions. And you know, those things, you know, just can't happen.

Dog fighting is a terrible thing, and I did reject it.

What happened is, neither my editors nor I checked the intro page, and my policy of never watching Leno gave me inadequate zeitgeist inculcation in this comedic trope. With fourteen goddamn pages of these I browsed through them and after a day or two of sitting in an open tab decided they were funny and fuckit nobody's posted in a day or so so just post it so I can restart my machine. I will be taking part in a review of our quality control procedures vis a vis our ISO 9000 certification, and recontextualizing value-added metrics in light of maximizing robust supply-chain synergies.

I'm upset with myself, and, you know, through this situation I found Moses and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to Yahweh. And I think that's the right thing to do as of right now. Like I said, for this - for this entire situation I never pointed the finger at anybody else, I accepted responsibility for my actions of what I did and now I have to pay the consequences for it. But in a sense, I think it will help, you know, me as a person. I got a lot to think about in the next year or so.

I offer my deepest apologies to everybody out in there in the world who was affected by this whole situation. And if I'm more disappointed with myself than anything it's because of all the young people, young kids that I've let down, who look at mrflip as a role model. And to have to go through this and put myself in this situation, you know, I hope that every young kid out there in the world watching this interview right now who's been following the case will use me as an example to using better judgment and making better decisions.

Once again, I offer my deepest apologies to everyone. And I will redeem myself. I have to. So I got a lot of down time, a lot of time to think about my actions and what I've done and how to make mrflip a better person.

posted by mrflip at 08:01PM CST on October 17

The link is so totally worth it now. Awesome. 

posted by natedogg at 02:33AM CST on October 18

Haha. Google just explained to me where Mrflip's apology text comes from. Nice. 

posted by McD at 06:13PM CST on October 20

It's alarming how close to a Mad Libs that apology truly is -- his actual offense is a one-sentence regexp.

Your Profession: __________________________________________
Your name: ________________________________________________
The group you are a part of: ______________________________
Name a prominent member of that group: ____________________
Their role: _______________________________________________
Select your religious preference:
* Jesus; asked him for forgiveness; God
* Moses; asked him for guidance; Yahweh
* Yoda; asked him for a lightsaber; The Force
* Allah; submitted that there is no God but God, that Allah is his name, and that Mohammad is his messenger; Islam
* Kibo; crossposted; Usenet
* Bokonon; rejected foma; boku-maru
* that attachment leads to suffering; meditated; The Noble Eightfold Path
* that religion is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing; had coffee; Dawkins

(Optional) What you did wrong: ____________________________

posted by mrflip at 11:15PM CST on October 20