October 01, 2007
The eternal debates: could a decent amateur beat Andy Roddick in tennis, if Roddick were forced to play using a frying pan as racket? Could a jumbo-sized Sumo wrestler be the greatest hockey goalie of all time? An upcoming book, Andy Roddick Beat Me with a Frying Pan, answers these questions by actually conducting the experiments. Please take this poll: Men | Women (from the weekly Washington Post chat; questions also after the jump). For entertainment's sake, post your answers below -- and note that there is a "don't know & don't care" option for each q'n.
1. A major-league batting champion, Freddy Sanchez of the Pittsburgh Pirates, bats six simulated innings against a succession of champion Wiffle-ball pitchers. The rules are Wiffle-ball rules, with the pitcher standing 45 feet away instead of the 60 feet, six inches of Major League Baseball. A Wiffle bat is used. How does Freddy do?
- He kills the ball. They basically cannot get him out.
- He bats about .333, his major league best.
- He is a whiffing machine, striking out on almost every at bat.
- I don't know and I don't care.
2. An ordinary guy -- pretty good athlete but mediocre swimmer -- swims 50 yards against three-time Olympic gold medalist Josh Davis. The handicap is that the ordinary Joe swims freestyle, whereas Josh has to do the dog paddle: He cannot lift his arms or legs above the water. What happens?
- Josh kills the ordinary Joe.
- It's close, but Josh wins.
- It's close, but Joe wins.
- Ordinary Joe kills Josh.
- I don't know and I don't care.
3. An ordinary, reasonably athletic middle-aged guy races 100 meters against Maurice Greene, one of the fastest Olympic sprinters in the world. The ordinary guy gets a 31-meter head start AND gets to run the final half of his race on an airport moving-sidewalk that boosts his speed. They race twice. Who wins?
- The ordinary guy wins both races, handily.
- The ordinary guy wins the first race by a nose; when they race again, Greene smokes him.
- Greene wins both races handily.
- I don't know and I don't care.
4. Pro bowler Pete Weber plays Ordinary Joe at Skee-ball. They play several games. What happens?
- Pete destroys Ordinary Joe, game after game.
- Pete slightly defeats Ordinary Joe, but it could be just dumb luck.
- Ordinary Joe slightly defeats Pete, but it could be just dumb luck.
- Ordinary Joe destroys Pete, game after game.
- I don't know and I don't care.
5. A team of midgets is assembled to bat against a former major league pitcher known for his pinpoint control (Dana Kiecker of the Red Sox, retired but still in shape and playing baseball) . The midgets -- ranging in height from 3 foot 4 inches, to 4 foot 4 inches -- just stand there with bats on their shoulders, so they either strike out or walk. Extrapolated into a major-league game, how would this all-midget team do as an offensive weapon?
- They'd score 20 runs a game or more.
- They'd score 4-5 runs a game, similar to average scores in baseball.
- They'd almost never score a run.
- I don't know and I don't care.
6. PGA tour veteran Rocco Mediate plays an Ordinary Joe in 18 holes of miniature golf. Neither golfer knows the course beforehand. What happens?
- Mediate kills Joe.
- Mediate beats Joe by a stroke.
- Joe beats Mediate by a stroke.
- Joe kills Mediate.
- I don't know and I don't care.
7. Can a basketball player really "make change off the top of the backboard"? In other words, can a tall, high-leaping pro touch the top of the backboard? To test this, 6-foot-7 Olympic high jumper James White tried to do it, on the reasonable theory that if he couldn't, no one could. (In competition, White has brought his entire body over a seven-foot-four bar.) What happened here?
- White touched the top of the backboard repeatedly.
- He kept coming thisclose but no cigar.
- In several jumps, he was never closer than two or three inches from the top of the backboard.
- I don't know and I don't care.
8. Ordinary Joe plays a five-game set of 8-ball with Ismael Paez, a champion billiards player. The handicap is that Paez can only use one hand. What happens?
- Paez smokes Joe, 5-0.
- Paez wins, 3-2.
- Joe wins, 3-2.
- Joe smokes Paez, 5-0.
- I don't know and I don't care.
PS If Ned and Becky are on board, I'm game for scheduling the freestyle vs. doggy paddle battle (I get to freestyle).
# He kills the ball. They basically cannot get him out.
It's close, but Joe wins.
The ordinary guy wins the first race by a nose; when they race again, Greene smokes him.
Pete slightly defeats Ordinary Joe, but it could be just dumb luck.
They'd score 4-5 runs a game, similar to average scores in baseball.
Mediate kills Joe.
He kept coming thisclose but no cigar.
Paez smokes Joe, 5-0.
My answers mirror Valatan's except for the midgets (almost never score a run) and the high jumper (I foolishly thought "10 ft" as i was clicking, not top of the backboard (which has to be what, about 13?). so really i believe he can't get it, but my answer is that he could. lookit that, skewing the stats already.
[Aside: I play in a pool league with my friend Chuq, who is very good (5/7 on the APA scale) but nowhere near pro champion, and when I first started (I was a 2/7), we went to a pool hall where he beat me right-handed a couple times, left-handed 3-4x, and one-handed 2-3x (sigh). So i have faith in Paez.]
1. Whiffing machine. Whiffle Balls move very differently than baseballs and my guess is that he can't hit anything.
2. Freestyler wins, no question. Its more about technique than strenght.
3.Greene wins, unless that is one hell of a fast moving walkway.
4.Pete wins with dumb luck. I think the hop at the end is the key to the game and if you don't practice with that, your not going to use it.
5.Torn between b and c
6.Rocco kills him.
7.Close but no cigar
8.Paez smokes him.
I am all up for doggy paddle vs. freestyle, but it has to be longer than 50m. Flip, at 50m your freestyle could beat mine, but at 75m you would loose. So there is no way my doggy paddle would beat your freestyle at 50m. 100m, now were talking...
1) Bats about .333 -- He has the hand eye coordination
2) b. My answer would be a. if any stroke with hands and feet below water were allowed. 50 meters is plenty.
3) Ordinary guy barely wins, then gets smoked... although wouldn't the walkway screw him up? I almost answered c based on that.
4) Pete destroys Joe. I'm sure Pete likes skee ball too.
5) That may be a small strikezone, but I think an MLB pitcher could handle it.
6) Meditate kills
7) Two or three inches. That's what 7'0" dwight howard did in the dunk contest, and I don't believe this guy can reach much higher than him.
8) Paez smokes. I'd be very surprised by anything else.
I think maybe I'm wrong about the sprinter question, but it's pretty close.
World class sprinters run the 100m in ~9.8 s, or ~11m/s.
I think a moving walkway goes at a brisk walking pace, which I'll estimate at 2m/s.
I know that <5s is the figure of merit for a 40yd dash (8 m/s) so I figure an "ordinary, reasonably athletic middle-aged guy" can do a ~6s 40yd dash (7 m/s).
At that pace Joe will take (69/2)/7 + (69/2)/9 = 4.93 + 3.83 = 8.8 seconds. If he can flawlessly navigate both the floor-to-walkway transition and the psychology gap, Joe wins. However, at a 6 m/s pace, Maurice Greene wins.
I think I like my chances with 100m at Barton Springs from a standing (not wall) start. Interested?
Answers?
1: b) He bats about .333, his major league best.
2: d) Ordinary Joe kills Josh.
3: b) The ordinary guy wins the first race by a nose; when they race again, Greene smokes him.
4: a) Pete destroys Ordinary Joe, game after game.
5: b) They'd score 4-5 runs a game, similar to average scores in baseball.
6: a) Mediate kills Joe.
7: b) He kept coming this close but no cigar.
8: a) Paez smokes Joe, 5-0.
Answers are in ROT13 if you've not responded yet:
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- Gur ceb fjnz yncf nebhaq Wbr, rira va n qbt cnqqyr. (Ur'q cenpgvprq, ol gur jnl, jvgu uvf xvqf ba uvf onpx.)
- Zb Terrar zvfwhqtrq gung svefg enpr, naq ybfg ol n abfr. Sbe gur frpbaq, ur jrag nyy bhg naq jba unaqvyl.
- Fxrr-onyy jnf n gbgny rdhnyvmre. Gur ceb unq ab erny nqinagntr; gur nqinagntr bs fgeratgu naq fcva jrer ahyyvsvrq. Ur jba, ohg whfg oneryl.
- Gur zvqtrg'f fvmr cebirq na vafhcrenoyr ceboyrz. Gur cvgpure zvffrq gur fgevxr mbar rira jura, va qrfcrengvba, ur ortna guebjvat HAQREUNAQ.
- Zvav-tbys cebirq gur fnzr qlanzvp nf fxv-onyy. Gur ceb unq ab erny nqinagntr ba gubfr yhzcl terraf, jvgu penccl onyyf. Ur jba ol n fgebxr.
- Znxvat punatr bss gur onpxobneq? N zlgu. Gbgny zlgu. Gur uvtu whzcre arire tbg pybfre guna gjb vapurf.
- Guvf jnf gur ovt fhecevfr gb zr: Gur cbby cynlre, qrcevirq bs uvf frpbaq unaq, jnf rkgerzryl yvzvgrq, cnegvphyneyl va fubgf ur unq gb znxr arne gur zvqqyr bs gur gnoyr. Ur jba guerr tnzrf gb gjb.
Syvc: 1/8, Inyngna 2/8, Orpxgb 2/8, ZpT-Q 2.5/8 (.5 sbe #2), Arqjneq 1/8.
Very surprised at the answers.
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My take:
1: b He bats about .333, his major league best.
2: d Ordinary Joe kills Josh.
3: b The ordinary guy wins the first race by a nose; when they race again, Greene smokes him.
4: a Pete destroys Ordinary Joe, game after game.
5: c They'd almost never score a run.
6: a Mediate kills Joe.
7: b He kept coming thisclose but no cigar.
8: a Paez smokes Joe, 5-0.
posted by mrflip at 10:51AM CST on October 01