October 17, 2006
Dear leroy,
I have recently been talking to Valatan about rushing my application to temporarily join the St. Louis Cardinals fan base. He says my chances are good but that it would help if I had a co-sponsor that could vouch for my intentions. Let me spell them out for you in greater detail. As you know, I am not usually affiliated with any particular baseball team but since I learned that a contest involving mrflip was on the line I could not stand idly by.
As you surely remember, I joined the White Sox bandwagon last year hoping that I could have a single shining moment where I stung mrflip by saying, "Boy, the Sox look good this year...THE WHITE SOX!!!" and then pulled out my ballcap and put it on. You even helped me collect Pepsi points to earn the free hat. Though that moment never came (thanks to convenient 14 week shipping), I felt like we were on to something.
Fast forward to tonight when my memory was refreshed that a week one bet was placed between valatan and mrflip. Should either of their beloved teams win the World Series (cards or red sox), the other bettor would have to wear a ridiculous haircut of the winner's choosing. I think you can see where this is going. Thanks to valatan's shrewd fan stewardship, we are in a historic position. By the end of the month, we could see mrflip sporting a Spezio-inspired dyed red taintbrush. (I'm new to this: is taintbrush or The Tickler the preferred terminology?).
I hope you can appreciate my urgent need to climb aboard the Cardinals bandwagon. I understand that you are concerned that I have a Detroit Tigers hat that is one of the few direct possessions I have from my deceased grandfather. (Tigers spring training was in his hometown of Lakeland, FL and he sometimes went to games). But in the service of this cause, I promise not to wear it nor to root for them for duration of the World Series. (besides, they've got McD, javelina, and kirkcameron on their side already).
I solemnly swear that if mrflip's ridiculous facial/haircut comes through that I will be a die-hard Cardinals fan as long as it takes to fulfill my commitment. And I hope you don't think less of me if I leave should the Brewers happen to suddenly get good. I mean, come on, the stadium looks just like a vulva.
thank you for your consideration,
go redbirds,
natedogg
In other baseball news, please enjoy this clip which involves two of my favorite things: the Red Sox and the Jewish faith.
And, as a rallying cry, I offer this, courtesy of Get Up, Baby:
While I can sympathize with anyone wanting to see Flip sport a ridiculous haircut, becoming a Cardinals fan under any circumstances is inexcusable. Although by now you'd think I'd be used to disappointment far greater than this.
Go Mets.
Wait...i don't get to see him that often anymore, but are there times when mrflip does *not* have a ridiculous haircut?
(sorry, flipster. you know i love you anyway - but i wish i could link to a picture of the yankees 'do. :)
NanoCindy: At least you can console yourself with a new manager, Lou Piniella, previously of Fox's stellar broadcast team and known for being ejected all the time and for the one season the Devil Rays weren't last in their division. The noise from the blogosphere ranges from a resounding meh, he might not be so bad to goddammit.
Also, A-Rod.
Apparently that picture really is Scott Spezio, and that tattoo really is his wife. Classy!
Since natedogg is so eager to be a part of the bet I will now sweeten it: if the Cardinals prevail I will wear an airbrushed temporary tatto reproducing that one for a week. Nate and I shall split the cost of same.
They are just a little bit closer. 3-2 Cardinals. They have two chances to win one, with their two best starters going. Let's go Carp.
18 October 2006, 12:00 am, From the INS office of Cardinal Nation
Dear Mr. Natedogg,
I am pleased to inform you that your recent application to join the "Birds on the bat" has been approved. We receive many applications every year, especially late in the season, and we take each very seriously. While these decisions are always very difficult, the quality of your character and your recent jeering of the culprits behind the 2004 Massacre by Massachusetts have left few questions. Congratulations.
We welcome you to the bandwagon, but we also must make it clear that you have not been granted permanent citizenship. Your temporary visa begins today and lasts until you
(a) root against the Cardinals, or
(b) root for the Cubs in any series in which they do not play an American League team.
Your temporary status will be converted to full citizenship when you have endured consecutive losing seasons without
(a) rooting against the Cardinals, or
(b) rooting for the Cubs in any series in which they do not play an American League team.
Full citizenship has a number of advantages including being able to weigh in on important debates such as Herzog vs. La Russa, and Ozzie vs. Pujols. More information on your benefits will be given to you when the time comes. Right now we ask that you just respond to questions on these topics with "What about Red Schoendienst?" or "What about Stan 'The Man' Musial?"
Next, we believe in honesty here in Cardinal Nation. And I, therefore, must warn you of the possible hazards of being a Cardinal fan. These hazards include:
1. Cubs fans. I'd like to cite a recent comment by a Cubs fan: "becoming a Cardinals fan under any circumstances is inexcusable." Yeah, nothing like a cubs fan to take the "lovable" out and leave herself as merely a "loser." Which reminds me, when asked, "What's the difference between Chicago and St. Louis?" you should respond "300 miles and seven world titles." Also, do you know what the difference is between the Chicago Cubs and summer? Nothing. Neither are around for October.
2. The American League. They're on a roll and everyone is falling in step with the "AL is the man's league." The thing about pendulums, though, is that once they reach their furthest displacement from equilibrium, they end up changing direction. You're in place to be on the right side, DON'T MOVE. Please inform all AL fans that they are in violation of the first rule of baseball: "Baseball is a game between two teams of NINE players each, under direction of a manager, played on an enclosed field in accordance with these rules, under jurisdiction of one or more umpires."
3. Famous StLers singing the National Anthem. Amy Grant? Martina McBride?! I'm convinced this is the reason we couldn't win a game in the 2004 WS. C'mon. Bring the 'Nelly!
You will learn much very fast. However, the things you must understand immediately are:
1. Wear red.
2. When Jack Buck's name is mentioned, bow your head slightly and nod for a second or two out of respect.
3. Mets are pond scum. It was true in the mid-eighties when my dad bought me a royal blue shirt with orange lettering saying the same thing, and it's true now. It doesn't matter that this mets team is crippled by injuries rather than the drug addiction, jail time, and gambling issues of the mid-eighties. They're still pond scum.
4. Contact your local Cardinal Nation ambassador. His name is Valatan and he can fill you in on the rest.
Congratulations, again, Natedogg.
Bravo. (slow clap)
Oh come on, Leroy. By Cardinals fans' standards, I was being lovable.
I'll go back to my tree branch now.
What the fuck are you people talking about? Are they still playing baseball? I like cartoons on Sunday nights, not some playoff nonsense. Don't mind me, I pretty much disregard all sports unless there is some type of engine/spinning wheels/noise involved.
And Flip, A FLAVOR SAVOR is a MUSTACH. Its called that cuz when you drink it gets wet with the beer/milk/cooter-juices what have you, so you can taste more later. If you are sliding your tounge to your chin for that, well, you should have a lot more good close female friends or somthing. And you have an AIRPLANE style drinking problem.
While watching the game last night, I couldn't help but think how defenseless a little red bird would be against a tiger. So far, the series has followed the mascot/fear theory if you consider the cardinals pooping all over the met (museum?). I recommend flying circles around the tigers to get them dizzy and then poking out their eyes. unless you're a tigers fan, to which i recommend just being a tiger. also, ditch the shades la russa.
Unless you consider the Cardinals to be a rank of Catholic Priest, as in Cardinal Richileu. I'd like to see a couple of bengal tigers win the hundred years war.
Added reason to cheer for the Cardinals in the series: If they win, it will make Bill Simmons cry.
Here's to hoping that excess rest makes young fastball pitchers turn wild, since I can see a lot of pain in this series otherwise. But I've seen a game seven winning home run by Yadier Molina. I can believe anything now.
On a baseball related note, here's a great debauchery story from former A's great, Dave Stewart (thanks Deadspin!)
and in case you're wondering what it's like to be following the team from the StL, here ya go
Two more!
hey card fans, i have a question for you. what is up with calling the team El Birdos. Ethnic sensitivity/slur that someone used back in the day and now people say without thinking about?
It was a nickname given to the team in the sixties by Orlando Cepeda. How a Puerto Rican gave a team a nickname in incorrect Spanish is an open question.
The name is usually associated with this picture, here posted in convenient T-shirt form:
One.
More.
Win.
And it's in the wrong game, but my joke about Eckstein having a big game totally came true somehow.
Let's go Cardinals.
Let's go Flip's hair.
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I've always called it a soul patch or flavor saver, though I'm not averse to the neologistic 'taintbrush.'
posted by mrflip at 01:21AM CST on October 17