November 11, 2005
My favorite NFL side story of the fall? It's not the Viking Sex Cruise or even the Carolina Cheerleaders learning the trouble with tribbing in a Banana Joe's bathroom stall. It's Clinton Portis's unexpected rampage through Gwar/Merchant-Ivory/Flip Wilson territory, turning his mandatory Thursday press conferences into dystopic costume dramas. I don't know which is more fun -- the costumes, or the wracked prose which results when AP beat writers earnestly describe the press-conference ramblings of a man in a wig and clown glasses.
It started innocently enough -- Portis celebrated his first touchdown of the year (four games into the season) by dressing as Doc Brown in 'Back to the End Zone'. (Can't find a pic of that). After the Redskins whomped the 49ers, he was inspired by the cinematic classic 'Vampire in Brooklyn' to become 'Jerome from Southeast DC':
The following week, the Giants laid one of the worst, most depressing losses I can remember on the Skins, and Portis announced that Jerome was dead. (He then make all the beat writers observe a moment of silence for Jerome's passing). That week he was 'Dr. Don't Know' -- as in, "Dr. Don't Know Don't Know Much":
This week he's "Sheriff Gonna Getcha", complete with "a long, black wig, a tight Led Zeppelin T-shirt (Portis could not name any of the band's albums) with a sheriff's badge stuck to it, oversized sunglasses with bugged-out eyes on the lenses and a leather pouch hanging from his neck":
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Check out Clinton's opinion on the differences between black porno and white porno among other things in this interview.
posted by habcous at 10:01AM CST on April 16